He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
