So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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