i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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