this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
