The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
