You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
