I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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