also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
