I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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