i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
