She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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