Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
