i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
