My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
