My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
