It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
