he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
