Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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