just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
