ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
