shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
