I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize