good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
