The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
