Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
