his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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