Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
