I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
