I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
