I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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