then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
