dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize