I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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