Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
