I cockslap morals
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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