Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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