i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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