Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
