Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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