Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
