no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
