So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
