it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
