I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
