I molested 6 butterflies tonight
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
