mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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