i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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