If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
