when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
