no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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