john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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