the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
