is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
