2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
