Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
