so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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