I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
