Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
