I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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