Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
