He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
