The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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