she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
