So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
