i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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