No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We left the knife in your bed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
